Broken beyond repair?

Guest Blogger: Cynthia Mann, Summit Counselor

As Counselor on Staff at The Summit Church I have met a lot of different people. Actually, since marriage counseling is at least 70% of what I do, I’ve met a lot of different couples. I was excited to find out J.D. was preaching an entire sermon series on marriage. I knew many marriages were benefiting. But what if you are in a marriage that feels absolutely broken and irreparably damaged? Was being told to go have fun on a date, start communicating, start having sex, even how to love each other, enough to mend the relationship?

Recently I have seen a new trend in counseling couples. I am encountering men who are seeking help after their wives have walked out. These men are often surprised and confused by the depth of their spouse’s unhappiness, but they are also desperate to heal the relationship. But despite their willingness to go to counseling and work on the marriage, they receive no hope or encouragement from their wives. In their book, The Walk Out Woman, authors Steve Stephens and Alice Gray describe the hearts of many of these women:

“One woman we spoke to told us she had seriously thought about leaving her marriage nearly every day for more than two years. She was overwhelmed with feeling disappointed, hurt, misunderstood, and unappreciated. Several other women told us they were lonely and angry to the point of despair. They had lost all hope for their marriage…”

How can we as a church walk alongside these couples in a real and significant way? How do we help those that have been hoping, praying and waiting until they are exhausted?

If you are broken, there is help. Here are three immediate steps you can take:

1. Buy the book The Walk Out Woman. Give it a chance before you give up.
2. Talk to someone WISE, a fellow believer that will walk with you. This person may be a friend, a small group leader, a pastor, or a counselor. If you decide to see a counselor, go even if your spouse won’t! God can do amazing things in you even if your spouse never shows.
   
   
3. Finally, when you don’t know where to start or how to find God in your life, speak out, ask for help. We want to walk with you. Even when your spouse seems like your greatest enemy, God remains faithful. Psalm 36:5 says, “Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” You might be broken and damaged, but you are never beyond repair.

If you want to help others, here’s a training event for you: on May 31^st Dr Sam Williams will teach Basic Biblical Counseling for the Lay Person. It’s for those of us who aren’t experts, but who live and share our lives in a community of hurting people.

Ultimately, brokenness in the Body of Christ requires healers at every level, not just the pastors. We may not all have suffered in identical ways, but we are all broken. Ministries like Celebrate Recovery and Counseling help, but true healing within a broken congregation comes when individuals within the body of Christ walk together. The phrase love each other is a part of our vision statement for a reason!

Comments

[Lauren]

Is there a website for the training event? Thanks

[jurisnaturalist]

Men have taken a beating in the church and in popular culture over the past few generations. We hear all about giving up porn, loving our wives, staying faithful, working hard, etc...
Perhaps there is not enough preaching to women about being faithful? Anthony Bradley at Resurgence has been talking about female infidelity a good deal lately, and the bottom line is that there is no excuse for it, just as there is no excuse for unfaithful men. We are not faithful because it works, or because we are full of infatuation, or for any other reason. We are faithful because Christ commands it. it is what we signed up for when we chose to follow Christ. Period.
Nathanael Snow
ndsnow@gmail.com

[Doug Britton]

I just came across your blog and your reference to biblical counseling. Over the past few years, I have written several online Bible studies related to biblical counseling and how to apply God's Word in daily living (www.dougbrittonbooks.com/resources.asp).

Please feel free to use these studies if they would be helpful in your ministry.

In any case, may God richly bless you and your ministry.

In Christ,

Doug Britton